***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
