I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
