I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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