don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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