don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
