What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
