I'm drive I can fine osifer
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
