STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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