just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
