I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
