I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
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