It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Everyone says I win the strip club
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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