i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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