You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
