(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
