i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
