when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
