Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
