The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
