Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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