I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
