dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
