if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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