Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
