We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
