Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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