Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
