I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
