shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
