They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
