I wanna passion pit in your ass
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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