At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
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