I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
