shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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