I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
