i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
this will be a night to untag.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
