HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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