Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
