I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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