my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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