I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
