Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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