i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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