this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Randomize
