The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
