since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
