I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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