Nicole vs. Life
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
