Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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