____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
