i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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