textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I deserve this hangover.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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