I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Houston, we have a squirter
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
