oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
