you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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