Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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