I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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