just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
