My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
