i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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