Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
