I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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