went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
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