Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
