i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
accomplished twins. life is a go
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
