found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
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Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
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I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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