we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
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I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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