I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
