You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
