dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize
