All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
