where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
