dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
